10 Reasons Hermione Granger kicks Bella Swan’s sparkly ass.

Hello again geeks!  This week I’m hopefully ending a rather pointless debate.  The debate between wizard and vampire, and the debate between a great female literary role model and, well, the definition of anti-feminism with a man-voice.

I give you, the battle between pop culture’s two favorite leading ladies:

Hermione Granger vs. Bella Swan

10. Emma Watson. We get it, Kristen. You’re awkward. Or trying too hard to come off that way.

9. Hermione = know-it-all.  Can be a tad annoying, but it’s useful.  Bella = masochist.  Add clumsy and she’s downright troublesome to have hanging around.

8. Hermione is a real bookworm, and puts her knowledge to use. Sorry Bella. I love me some Jane Austen, but romance novels won’t exactly help you when fighting the Dark Lord or the Volturi.

7. Hermione falls in love with a ginger.  And he’s not “perfect”.  I.e., he could actually exist (minus the whole wizard thing).

6. Bella, if ever in a pickle, would be in need of a sparkly vampire or pedophilic werewolf to rescue her.  Hermione can take care of herself.

5. Renesmee? Really?

4. Hermione is the smartest witch of her age and prone only to the occasional emotional outburst.  Bella spends a few months as a zombie after her stalker boyfriend busts a move.

3. Um, duh.  Hermione can do magic!  And use logic. Simultaneously.

2. Hermione doesn’t give up her life for any man.  Without her, Harry and Ron would’ve been strangled by that Devil’s Snare ages ago.

1. Overall, the most important thing that sets Hermione apart from Bella and above her is that she never compromises who she is for anyone.  She is smart, kind, noble, and always striving for the greater good.  Bella, well, she’s a girl in love.  Or, rather, obsession.  Girlfriend needs to get a life.


May the geek be with you,



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54 Responses to 10 Reasons Hermione Granger kicks Bella Swan’s sparkly ass.

  1. shylockbooks says:

    Amen! Hermione is a strong female character, and doesn’t obsess over guys. She’s also not afraid to get her hands dirty when it comes to doing the right and brave thing.

  2. cfhaneberg says:

    Bella’s neediness lost it for me. She literally whines about not being a vampire or “special” all the time. It’s like, get over it, the hott guy likes you already.

  3. Erica says:

    I completely agree. Hermione grows up, Bella stays a whiny teenager. Every time someone tells me I look like her, I am offended. I look like Bella? Really? Fail.

  4. Wow, number 5 if my favorite. Seriously. And Hermione and Ron and are my favorite literary couple ever.

  5. I love this! #7 is definitely my favorite.

  6. Xiang Xiang says:

    Hermione is probably one of my favorite female characters ever. In any medium.

    In general, I tend to get sick very fast of any character whose sole purpose in the narrative is to be a love interest. (Well, excluding those in the romance genre, since that IS the entire point.) I get annoyed at the fact that a lot of female characters are relegated to this type of role.

    Plus, Emma Watson is way hotter AND looks like Richard Dawkins.

  7. Lisa says:

    Read both series, watched the movies and they weren’t too bad. I think both characters do have their good points, although Hermione will always be my girl.

    The best thing I enjoyed about Hermy was her loyalty to her friends; always stood by them no matter what. Got Harry and Ron out of more situations that we could count. It always irked me when it looked as though Harry and Ron took her for granted.

    I didn’t mind Bella until I noticed how uncaring she seemed toward her peoples. It was as though she didn’t want to be around any of them, almost seemed like she didn’t like them because they weren’t like Edward and his family. I can understand why she wouldn’t want to be around Mike and Jessica, but I just can’t see why she would do her other friends like that.

    It feels good to be in love and all that, but ditching your friends/family for just one man who isn’t even all that is a bit much.

  8. melissa says:

    that is so true i mean hermione didn’t really wine when malfoy called her a mudbloom and whenever they needed reserch done she did it whill bella is to stuip and ugly to do any thing for herself hermione you are awsome even though my favorite chactor is ron and number seven is true

    • Samantha says:

      agree 100% if draco called stupid swan (bella) mudblood She would run to edward wailing and saying EDWARD EDWARD SOME GUY CALLED ME MUD BLOOD HELP HELP but hermione would stick up to malfoy

  9. Mandy says:

    You said it, sister! Hermione has been my role model since the age of six. If Bella were my role model I would be dead by now. Hermione is a strong cool female but Bella is spineless and exists solely to be with Edward… or Jacob. Get some independence!

  10. Andy says:

    Honestly, this is one of the best written works about Hermione Granger…

  11. car says:

    Hermione continued helping Harry look for the remaining horcruxes after Ron left them.When Ron came back for the trio Hermione wasted no time in punching him for leaving them in the first place. Bella went into a depression when Edward left her and wasted no time in kissing Edward when he came back for her. I mean really Meyer?? You’re destroying what Susan B. Anthony and countless other feminists have worked for these past 50 or so years!

  12. thegeekswereright says:

    Man, all the comments on this post are to a fa-reakin’ tee. Hermione rules. Thanks to everyone for their awesome comments!

  13. whatsaysyou says:

    Excellent post and analysis about Hermoine Granger and I totally agree with what you wrote. Hermoine is no damsel in distress and she always stands up for what she believes in and for her friends too.

  14. cupcake2eater says:

    Amen! Well put. I’m so subscribing

  15. Pingback: 10 Reasons Hermione Granger kicks Bella Swan’s sparkly ass « Read This!

  16. Jo jo says:

    Hell yeah!
    This is true. Bella is one dimentional at best. She is just a girl with a unhealthy obsession. She can’t even take care of herself. Hermione is a strong, independent young woman. She can really hold her own.

  17. angie says:

    wands vs fangs and fur = wands cause you could get whatever you want fangs and fur nothing see! nice 🙂

  18. babs says:

    Nicely done! I agree that Hermione will kick Bella’s ass any day, even without a wand. We rarely have good female role models nowadays but Hermione just brings it to the table. She’s sensible, intelligent, brave, quick-witted, feisty, independent and fiercely loyal. But above all, her heart is in the right place. She cares a lot for others and made sacrifices for the greater good. Which is more than I can say for Bell-ack!! She’s a whiny, self-centered, clingy, clumsy, blubbering freak-o who sounds like she has a permanent head cold and has a thing for pasty looking nancy- boy stalkers.Gag!!!!

  19. Emily says:

    SMeyer and her Twishit stories have caused people to think that those things she promotes, are supported by Latter Day Saints (Mormons), of which I am a part of. She is a disgraced member for giving girls the ideas that: 1) getting knocked up instead of dithering your education is good; 2) Stalkers are actually romantic and you should become their puppet.; 3) That Controlling and Domineering = Good; 4) Kissing another guy when you’re dating someone is perfectly fine, aka being a cheater; 5) Loosing your personality for a guy and becoming their useless puppet is the right thing to do; 6) Entering depression when a relationship ends is also correct….
    Ugh I could go on and on, but I’ll just leave it at that.
    Oh and to top this off, her inspiration was from a wet dream she had. That’s bloody disgusting.

    Moot point, twilight sucks. It’s a horrible book series. SMeyer is a disgrace.

    • It’s nice to see that Meyer’s representation DOESN’T reflect your faith. You’re the type of voice I think people need to hear more from, so thank you very much for your comment!

  20. It seems that Bella is a “perfect” character, only disguised by her clumsiness, her depression after Edward leaves, and her awkwardness. And, in turn, two of those things could actually be endearing to some people. Hermione on the other hand, has flaws .She knows her flaws. Ron and Harry know her flaws. When Bella slips and almost falls, Edward catches her. Ron and Harry let Hermione fall, get a little hurt, mess up some.. they know she can handle it.

    Also, Hermione and Ron’s relationship is based off a whole lot more than “Ooh, he’s hot. Ooh, she smells good. SPARKLES!”

  21. Jenny says:

    Completely 100% agree. Bella is a femenist’s nightmare. I am more like Hermione than I am like Bella.

  22. piaysabel says:

    I actually support both stories; Harry Potter and Twilight, I mean.

    But, even though I read New Moon first, I still support Harry Potter more. I mean, the movies for the Twilight Saga made me sick to the stomach. They completely ruined the tiny inkling of good that the books had. And also emphasized the bad parts of the book.

    My friends call me an “insufferable know-it-all”, and also tell me: “Go home, Hermione”, whenever I answer something hard in class. I feel so proud when they tell me that. When they ask me if I wanna be a sparkly vamp like Bella, I seriously wanna punch them in the face for even relating me to Bella.

    Bella: annoying, clingy, clumsy, can’t do anything right, is attracted to sparkly things – If I gave her a trinket that I sprinkled with glitter, she’d probably kiss it and want it to knock her up, can’t have more than one expression, OBSESSIVE… and blah blah blah.

    Hermione: perfect role model, smart, independent, confident, strong

    Look at this ratio (Hermione:Bella) 9999999999999999999999:1


  23. boo twilight says:

    fuck twilight. i tried it twice, went through all 4 books twice and saw nothing amazing about the story. concept is a win the way they where delivered was not a win it was a loss so huge it should have never blown up.

    i am a boy(man) i would marry hermione today if i could
    i would tell bella to get away from me your annoying =]

    • boo twilight says:

      oh the only reason twilight series is well known is because it is easy to get into. like you can let your brain go on auto-pilot cuz there is nothing to really think of until edward runs away but then he come back haha and who are they kidding they arnt going to kill the main characters off in love story ment for teens so the 3rd and 4th are back on auto pilot ahahaaa
      ya go hermione :d

    • I’m a woman and I’m pretty sure I’d marry Hermione today, too. Just sayin’. 😉
      Thanks for your comment!

  24. Quynh says:

    I just read all of the comments on this page, and I totally agree with everyone! I don’t mind Twilight as a general subject, but I HATE Bella! I believe that Twilight would’ve been better if they didn’t portray Bella as a spineless, stereotypical, weak, emotionally crazed girl! This is what they all thought that females were back since the beginning of time! It enrages me to the point of exploding! I HATE IT!!!!!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS BY NOW!!! I mean, look at where men have gotten us in the world! I just read an article on Hillary Clinton and the Rise of Smart Power, for Pete’s sake! I will always love Hermione, until the day I die! On that I solemnly swear.

  25. Hanne says:

    completamente certa *-*

  26. Prince Parikshit says:

    I agree with every one here, Hermione is the smartest, bravest girl i’ve ever read about. very few know it but the character of Hernione Granger was declared the second most powerful female character of the century, and I agree with it.
    As per my opinion about Bella is solely based on the movies( never was interested in those books)
    And I agree she is no fit role model for any one.
    Hermione Granger will always Be my best female character ever.

  27. Midnight Rose says:

    I have read both stories and watched all Harry Potter..even have the movie set which i watch A LOT….Twilight books were okay. I read them all the way through and somewhat enjoyed the first two…somewhat but then in the forth its like WTF! I was hoping at the end of the book Bella And Edward would get killed in an epic battle…..but no one died…no one fought. PERIOD. Talk about lame. build you up to nothing. (i couldnt and wont watch the rest or the Twilight movies) they FAIL…Now Harry Potter that was an epic battle from book one. Hermione was bad ass and if it wasnt for her Harry and Ron would have been in deep shit many times. But every female in Harry Potter was awesome and strong whereas Twilight all the females were annoying exept Alice. I didnt like anyone in the book/movie but Alice. I could go on forever about how crappy a character Bella is and sucky the story is, but I wont. Bella should have sucked it up had Edward the billionare buy her a Rocket launcher instead of a stupid armored car, or a flame thrower would have done the trick. Grow some balls and quit being a whiney brat Bella.

  28. love #8 — I consider myself a “real” bookworm like Hermione because everyone’s always like “how do you KNOW that??” …I read…duh… and my romance novel phase lasted for 2 years. in high school. I love me some classics, but Jane Austen is not the end-all-be-all of the literary universe by any means. Stephen King may be, though 😉

  29. #8 is my favorite — I consider myself a “real” bookworm like Hermione; people are always like “how do you KNOW that??” …I do this thing, called reading. A lot. And my romance novel phase lasted 2 years in high school, and that was like, honest-to-God smut reading. Nicole Jordan and Sabrina Jeffries. five years later and I still have the books but I doubt I’ll ever read them again. And I love me some classics, but Jane Austen is not the end-all-be-all of the literary universe. Stephen King maybe… 😉

  30. Samantha says:

    number 6 is my favorite. hermione can take care of herself besides the avada kedavra curse is stronger than stupid vampires skin your book failed Stephenie Meyer ALWAYS A POTTERHEAD bella makes me Like Bellatrix Lestrange

  31. Belle Evans says:

    Hermione is much much much better than that Bella. Hermione is very cheerful while Bella is boring. Bella is very selfish. A second edition of Catherine Earnshaw in Wuthering Heights. I HATE HER! Who is Bella and Edward next to Ron and Hermione?

  32. Belle Evans says:

    Hermione is smart and clever unlike Bella! Bella`s vampire BF is her whole world. Bur Hermione cares about every one

  33. Potterhead4Life says:

    Hermione even got a “tattoo” engraved on her arm be Bellatrix!!!!!!!(remember?Deathly Hallows, Mudblood…) Bella is way to reliant on Edward, she would be like,” Edward, I’m bleeding, bite me”. Love it when people compare me to Hermione’s character.

  34. Pingback: Hermione ass | Susankienitz

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